{"id":1061,"date":"2008-11-30T15:08:43","date_gmt":"2008-11-30T20:08:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=1061"},"modified":"2014-04-07T09:22:47","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T14:22:47","slug":"duffeloid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=1061","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;Duffeloid&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>For the return to Lafayette, my broken valise was discarded and replaced with a sort of duffel bag-looking thing, but with a solid baseplate and inline skate wheels. A duffeloid. <\/p>\n<p>I had picked up the following in order of importance to me:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>office chair<\/li>\n<li>pillow<\/li>\n<li>washcloths<\/li>\n<li>winter hat<\/li>\n<li>new, <u>lighter<\/u> alarm clock<\/li>\n<li>new jacket<\/li>\n<li>misc video cables<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I know what you&#8217;re thinking. How do I get an office chair onto a train? Obviously I disassemble it. I managed to get it so that the largest piece is the pentagonal wheel base and the shaft. I couldn&#8217;t figure out how to decompose it anymore than that. Of the three boxes in our garage, the largest (24x18x16) could accommodate all the chair pieces but the shaft. Solution?<\/p>\n<p><img src='http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/box.JPG' alt='box with office chair leg sticking out' \/><\/p>\n<p>John and Matt offered to help me get my stuff to Union Station. We took the Metra down, box and duffeloid in hand. The Metra was a little late. It was scheduled to get to Ogilvie at 5:23 and the Amtrak left at 5:45, so the five minute delay had me worrying more and more as I sat on the Metra surrounded by nightlife-seeking twenty-somethings and with the duffeloid crushing my femurs.<\/p>\n<p>Then, at Irving Park, we started moving but stopped because, according to the loudspeaker, some guy was on the tracks. That&#8217;s just my luck. Whenever I need to get somewhere on time, people try to kill themselves to stop me. The Metra ended up late by ten minutes cumulatively. John, Matt and I were the first ones waiting in the vestibule platform of the train, ready to bolt out with my duffel and a box.<\/p>\n<p>And bolt we did. We were hustling down Canal Street. When we arrived at the threshold, it was deserted and there was a strap across the door. Apparently, 5:45 is not when they start boarding, it&#8217;s when they depart. As soon as they saw me with a duffeloid and a box, they summoned a &#8220;red cap&#8221;. A guy in a red cap driving one of those white luggage train screeched to a halt in front of me. A blue cap grabbed my box from John and dropped in on the back of the cargo space. I hurried to the small seats on the front, shoving my duffeloid into the seat next to me. I released my hand from the handle to wave to John and Matt one last time. I was jolted as the redcap driver floored it onto the platform, weaving between columns and around platform attendants with more maneuverability than I expected out of a little luggage cart. I felt like I was in a Jason Statham movie.<\/p>\n<p>I nabbed the last empty seat on the train. I would have tipped that redcap if I could&#8217;ve.<\/p>\n<p>Unlike October&#8217;s train full of sleepy, texting 20-year-olds, this one was full of grandparents with Southern accents and sweatpants talking extra loud into their phones. (There <em>was<\/em> one octogenarian who was texting on his LG enV but he was pressing the buttons <em>really<\/em> loud.) <\/p>\n<p>For the two miles back to Harrison, I looped the handle of the duffeloid into my belt, heaved the box onto my shoulders and started to shuffle back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For the return to Lafayette, my broken valise was discarded and replaced with a sort of duffel bag-looking thing, but with a solid baseplate and inline skate wheels. A duffeloid. I had picked up the following in order of importance to me: office chair pillow washcloths winter hat new, lighter alarm clock new jacket misc [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1061"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1061"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1061\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3641,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1061\/revisions\/3641"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1061"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1061"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1061"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}