{"id":1089,"date":"2008-12-07T16:21:45","date_gmt":"2008-12-07T21:21:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=1089"},"modified":"2014-04-07T09:22:45","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T14:22:45","slug":"theres-dirt-in-my-eyes-and-in-my-pants","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=1089","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;There&#8217;s dirt in my eyes and in my pants.&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So at 1:30 Chris and friends come into my room and invite me to go sledding on the local hill. So we walk there, and I don&#8217;t even get down the hill the first couple of times and when I do, I get turned around. There&#8217;s a divot halfway down that the front of my sled got caught on so I went from sledding to sliding my ass down a muddy frozen hill headfirst, ending up with dirt on my boxers.  I blame my sucky abs which can&#8217;t adequately control my center of mass. Not until the last run down Slayter Hill did I finally slide all the way to the bottom and my &#8220;sled&#8221; was stopped by the concrete curb at the bottom of the hill. Well, the sled stopped. I kept going, bouncing off the concrete lip and sliding across the icy tiled patio above it. Unable to stand up again, I was furiously rubbing the bruise on my ass where it hit the curb.<\/p>\n<p>We called it quits after that and started walking home. So I pick up a piece of black frozen slush off the ground that I thought was cool because it sorta looks like an arrowhead. I throw it at Chris who swings at it with his &#8220;sled&#8221;. The chunk fractures and one piece goes straight forward and hits me in the head. Do I ever get a glancing blow or a graze? No. The projectile hits me in the middle of my forehead. Apparently, the way I fell was the most comical it could have possibly been according to Dylan; my arms flew backwards and one foot went into the air and I landed on the asphalt flat on my back, black snow melting into my eyes.<\/p>\n<p>That <a href=\"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=321\">takes me back.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So at 1:30 Chris and friends come into my room and invite me to go sledding on the local hill. So we walk there, and I don&#8217;t even get down the hill the first couple of times and when I do, I get turned around. There&#8217;s a divot halfway down that the front of my [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[24,1,30],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1089"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1089"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1089\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3639,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1089\/revisions\/3639"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1089"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1089"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1089"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}