{"id":2534,"date":"2012-08-31T23:14:03","date_gmt":"2012-09-01T04:14:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=2534"},"modified":"2014-04-07T09:21:15","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T14:21:15","slug":"i-also-have-to-wear-a-lanyard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=2534","title":{"rendered":"I also have to wear a lanyard."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You ever wonder what insanity feels like? Like how do I know I&#8217;m not insane right now? Would I know it? <\/p>\n<p>These are the things I think about at my new job. I&#8217;m an ITaP Lab Assistant. I mind the lab. And I&#8217;m the idiot who can&#8217;t keep the printer filled with paper when you need your precious lecture notes, you ungrateful meathead. My primary function is customer service. I&#8217;m stationed in a lab for a set number of hours and make sure things remain orderly and clean as well as answering questions from meatheads. It&#8217;s a pay cut from my other job slinging french fries, but that job is beginning to take a toll on me. I&#8217;m afraid I no longer possess the youthful physicality necessary to perform the job without impacting my &#8220;day life&#8221;, lacking a vigor blessed only upon the young or perhaps actualized for them by a tonic. But I digress. In summary, I&#8217;m old. <\/p>\n<p>One of the perks is I get to use a computer and study while I&#8217;m working, which is the utterly self-serving draw that brought me to this line of work. However, I hadn&#8217;t considered the mind-crushing loneliness. Especially right now, in this empty computer lab. Who comes to do work in a computer lab on a Friday night? (Besides, you know, <em>me<\/em>.) They&#8217;re all off probably having fun or redditing from home or avoiding the cramped, dim computer lab where the lonely lab assistant is narrating &#8216;is blog post out loud in a ridiculously over-the-top Cockney accent. <\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s not so bad though. It&#8217;s quiet, there&#8217;s internet, and this chair has some padding still in it. But I think the air system is trying to indoctrinate me&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You ever wonder what insanity feels like? Like how do I know I&#8217;m not insane right now? Would I know it? These are the things I think about at my new job. I&#8217;m an ITaP Lab Assistant. I mind the lab. And I&#8217;m the idiot who can&#8217;t keep the printer filled with paper when you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2534"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2534"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2534\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3514,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2534\/revisions\/3514"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}