{"id":2685,"date":"2013-03-18T15:42:31","date_gmt":"2013-03-18T20:42:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=2685"},"modified":"2014-04-07T09:21:05","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T14:21:05","slug":"drunk-as-a-skink","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=2685","title":{"rendered":"Drunk as a skink*"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I messed up a Mexican lizard. But he was totally asking for it. Let me explain.<\/p>\n<p>I have a little trouble sleeping one night so I go out onto the balcony for a nip of <em>Oso Negro<\/em>. I get out onto the cool dark balcony and find my empty tumbler sitting on the table from earlier in the day. It&#8217;s dark, but there&#8217;s just enough starlight for me to open the bottle and pour. I top off the glass with some ice water from my water bottle. I raise it to my face, but I stop because I can hear and feel something drowning in it. <\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s this. <\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_3149.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_3149-415x311.jpg\" alt=\"IMG_3149\" width=\"100%\" height=\"311\" title=\"Photo taken after I turned the lights on\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-2686\" srcset=\"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_3149-415x311.jpg 415w, https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_3149-1024x768.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 415px) 100vw, 415px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>By this point he is literally up to his eyeballs in vodka water which I immediately pour out. I rinse him off with more of my water because it&#8217;s probably sucky to get a highball to the eyes. After a while he stops struggling and flailing and just sits there. I dump him out onto the table and he just chills there for a while. Then he slowly walks off the edge of the table and onto the underside where he hides from me as I make myself another drink. (In a different glass of course.)<\/p>\n<p>*A skink is a lizard-like reptile. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I messed up a Mexican lizard. But he was totally asking for it. Let me explain. I have a little trouble sleeping one night so I go out onto the balcony for a nip of Oso Negro. I get out onto the cool dark balcony and find my empty tumbler sitting on the table from [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2685"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2685"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2685\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3499,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2685\/revisions\/3499"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2685"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2685"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2685"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}