{"id":3832,"date":"2014-05-18T21:16:00","date_gmt":"2014-05-19T02:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=3832"},"modified":"2014-05-18T21:52:44","modified_gmt":"2014-05-19T02:52:44","slug":"excuses-excuses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/?p=3832","title":{"rendered":"Excuses, excuses"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You would think that after such a joyous event, I would stop fibbing to my mom. <\/p>\n<p>Nope.<\/p>\n<p>During the reception, my mom saw all the various Asian girls at Purdue, she would ask me why I didn&#8217;t date any of them. Rather then tell her the real reasons I was prepared to give one of the below, fictitious excuses which I knew would mollify her.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>She&#8217;s married with a kid, mom.<\/li>\n<li>She has a higher GPA than me.<\/li>\n<li>She prefers the new Star Wars Trilogy.<\/li>\n<li>She only goes for half-Asian guys.<\/li>\n<li>She is 1 centimeter taller than me.<\/li>\n<li>She is actually 38 but looks 24 because, well, being Asian.<\/li>\n<li>She told me she can&#8217;t cook rice without burning it.<\/li>\n<li>She wants to have a stay-at-home husband.<\/li>\n<li>That&#8217;s Professor Chen.<\/li>\n<li>She has a mole. No, like a pet mole. Yeah, really.<\/li>\n<li>She outdrinks me.<\/li>\n<li>She&#8217;s&#8230; crazy. Just straight-up crazy.<\/li>\n<li>Korean mafia ties. No, thank you. I do not want to be made into kim chee<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Should I have told her the real reason? <font color=white>Racism, lack of social grace, lack of interest?<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You would think that after such a joyous event, I would stop fibbing to my mom. Nope. During the reception, my mom saw all the various Asian girls at Purdue, she would ask me why I didn&#8217;t date any of them. Rather then tell her the real reasons I was prepared to give one of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3832"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3832"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3832\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3840,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3832\/revisions\/3840"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3832"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3832"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tommy.lardbucket.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3832"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}