No, Luke. I am your professor.

Ochem is going okay. We learned that polycyclic aromatic compounds in 18th century soot caused almost all adolescent chimney sweeps to get cancer. It’s a lot harder to sing along to Mary Poppins now.

We got our third organic chem exams back today. Reactions were a little more dramatic than last time. I heard someone crying hysterically in the back and a lot of people were on phones, reassuring loved ones. I got a B.

The lecture hall has a wireless microphone/loudspeaker setup that is quite necessary in such a large hall. The professor would wear the mike necklace (although I’ve also seen it worn as a brooch) which is quite adequate to pick up their voice. The microphone is really sensitive though. So even the slightest breeze is audibly turned into distant thunder. Or, as happened today, during Ochem lecture, the professor’s breathing would keep being amplified, giving the lesson a Vader-esque quality.

Which would suck. I mean, think about it: your professor being Darth Vader.

Prof Vader: I assure you, there are no ring alkynes *inhale* due to the angle strain on the triple bond.
Student: But what if you had an carbocation intermediate…?
Prof Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing…
Student: *chokes*

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