My training continues. There’s a bunch of stuff the higher-ups get to do. Beyond fetching ice cream from the bunker, there’s chopping watermelon, and conjuring buffalo sauce.
We hadn’t always sold watermelon slices, but when we started to, there appeared in the knife drawer a large curving knife with sweeping blade as long as my arm. It’s a little scary. I freaked out Tara when she rounded a corner and saw me 20 feet away holding up what was essentially a machete as I prepared to ask where the watermelons were kept.
After many sectoral prismatoids, I realized that a machete does not, a warrior, make.
When I say “conjuring buffalo sauce”, I don’t mean a large cauldron stirred by heretical manifestations of misogyny. It’s simply a two-foot wide heated steel pot stirred by a three-foot long whisk and filled with an always fuming, occasionally bubbling, opaque suspension. It clears the sinuses of anyone nearby and is also delicious depending on who you ask and whether they’re Korean.
Fryers does not command the same glory and respect that it does in a fast food franchise. Sure, there’s the majestic feeling of lifting 3 lbs of popcorn chicken out of a searing vat of delicious hydrocarbons, but many people are unaware of the backstage maintenance that must be performed to ensure that the show goes on.
The oil at the end of a night is occupied by a lot of spare foodstuffs floating beneath the baskets:fry fragments, breading particles. Fact of life. Thus, the oil is extracted, filtered and returned. This is done with what is essentially a big scary, occasionally burning hot, metal coffeemaker. Oil is drawn down a tube through a stainless steel mesh then, into a paper filter, then pumped through a rubber hose and back into the fryer vat, all these components becoming obscenity-inducing-ly hot.
The fryer filter is like a hippogriff. You will not tame the fryer filter unless you first earn its respect and you will not earn its respect if you show it fear. Conquer your fear and you will conquer the fryer filter. According to DJ.
But that’s just one skill. I have many more to learn.
| Tommy is trying to learn a new move. But can’t learn more than four moves. |
| Delete an older move to make room for FRYER FILTERING? |
| 1, 2 and… Poof! |
| Tommy forgot TACKLE. |
| And… learned FRYER FILTERING! |
Also, cleaning the soda machine is sort of like Quidditch. Sort of.
Wait! You still need tackle for black Friday next week! Somewhat ironically at Fry’s…
dude, you always get rid of tail whip first. tackle is a great skill. and while were on the subject, what other skills do you have besides tackle and fryer filtering?
I don’t have tail whip for obvious reasons. I also have psybeam and splash but psybeam has 0% accuracy.
woah, woah, woah, you had splash and you gave up tackle? what are you, insane?
I tried to follow, but I’m not really into pokémon