I also have to wear a lanyard.

You ever wonder what insanity feels like? Like how do I know I’m not insane right now? Would I know it?

These are the things I think about at my new job. I’m an ITaP Lab Assistant. I mind the lab. And I’m the idiot who can’t keep the printer filled with paper when you need your precious lecture notes, you ungrateful meathead. My primary function is customer service. I’m stationed in a lab for a set number of hours and make sure things remain orderly and clean as well as answering questions from meatheads. It’s a pay cut from my other job slinging french fries, but that job is beginning to take a toll on me. I’m afraid I no longer possess the youthful physicality necessary to perform the job without impacting my “day life”, lacking a vigor blessed only upon the young or perhaps actualized for them by a tonic. But I digress. In summary, I’m old.

One of the perks is I get to use a computer and study while I’m working, which is the utterly self-serving draw that brought me to this line of work. However, I hadn’t considered the mind-crushing loneliness. Especially right now, in this empty computer lab. Who comes to do work in a computer lab on a Friday night? (Besides, you know, me.) They’re all off probably having fun or redditing from home or avoiding the cramped, dim computer lab where the lonely lab assistant is narrating ‘is blog post out loud in a ridiculously over-the-top Cockney accent.

It’s not so bad though. It’s quiet, there’s internet, and this chair has some padding still in it. But I think the air system is trying to indoctrinate me…

2 Responses to “I also have to wear a lanyard.”

  1. Chris says:

    which lab are you in? i was working in the math building lab at about 3 am one night and saw a guy walk in and start watching porn

  2. Tommy says:

    I’m wherever they assign me. In case of the above post, I was in Hampton. A much more ideal lab to watch porn in with its partitioned group work cubicles and low light.

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