The Finite

Oh, yes, I’m busy, but I’m still blogging. I’ll keep posting, even if I have to hunt down Dan Pfeiffer and feast upon his internal organs for mana.

Harrison Hall is just like a big hotel. The shower controls are some sort of recursive cipher, the front desk can do just about anything for you, and there’s a grand piano in the lounge. Except that the ice machine works and the hallway smells like sweat and Axe and Xbox. (Incidentally, the girls’ wing smells like soap and daisies and unicorns.)

I’m beginning to live in constant fear that I’m picking up my roommate’s accent. Not that I have anything against accents, I just don’t want him to think I’m mocking him. He’s from a small town in southern Indiana. The accent is subtle and only noticeable on the ends of words. Though most other people don’t have any.

Stuff has different names here. Like “Cornhole” is basically Baggos. Frolf is “Disc Golf”. Pop is still pop, though. (Except to the guy from New Jersey.)

Boiler Gold Rush is the orientation program for freshman. Step one is for them to strap a colored bracelet onto you (They sneaked up on me while I was signing something.) that decides where and when you eat and what activities you do. (Like prison, except that they keep us out late.) It’s surprisingly tough plastic that’s not supposed to come off, even in the shower.

I’m in a group with about 15 other people. Most are from small towns. One from Mexico, one from Warsaw and the others from places with Native American sounding names that I can’t remember but that are also small towns in Indiana. And everyone but me knows how to play “Euchre” which I think is a card game Yahoo! invented. I’ve been taken under their wing as a trainee and say things like, “Are there ones?” and “I have a four of, uh, clovers?” I’ve already mastered some kind of rat screw game involving cell phones and Tootsie Rolls.

Every night there’s buses that go from campus to the local superstores to drum up business and gouge all ignorant and naive college students freshmen. I’m there for free stuff. But the bus stop near my dorm was mobbed with hundreds of cheapos. Getting on was insane. There was more civility at D-Day, more order on the decks of the Titanic, more college students than I’ve ever seen attending an actual class. I’ve done Target, Meijer runs and the Best Buy run is on Thursday. I’ve got three bags of free stuff and 95 cents worth of thumbtacks and it only took me 97 cumulative minutes of waiting and I didn’t get back to my room until 1 AM on either night, but I got a free water bottle and some of that new portable Axe. You know, the one from the commercials where it dissolves some girl’s clothes? All that I can imagine that doing is dramatically increase the rates of sexual assault in this country, but I’m sure I’ll find some use for it.

Speaking of getting stuff free, there was also a business fair in the Armory. (Yes, we have an armory building apparently. I know, I know, red states.) Basically a bunch of businesses and clubs and churches advertising. Most had free stuff.
A

wearing

gave me

Free pizza from several different restaurants. Free Jimmy John’s, DQ, and Starbuck’s samples. Ironically, Circle K gave out live goldfish, while the Nature conservation committee gave out plastic magnets.

I think my week can be summarized fairly succinctly.

Tommy: Morning. Does something smell like vomit to you?
Alex: (shrugs) College.

Yeah…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 at 6:37 pm and is filed under Day-to-Day. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.