I am in Peoples’ Republic of Flavor

You do not truly know a person until you’ve studied with them.

Most people I see, they sit quietly, occasionally sipping their coffee, steadily going page by page. I’m a different story.

Get me in one place with study materials for more than 45 minutes, and sooner or later, I’ll end up curled on the ground clutching a chair leg staring down an open textbook, sitting there on the ground, laughing at me, mocking me. It sees my weakness, knows my flaws, it can see into my soul and it finds fear!

Or maybe it’s the caffeine withdrawal talking. I don’t know. You know that stockpile I told you about earlier? I ran the numbers again

Monster 8-16oz cans 1280mg
Crystal Light 20 packets 1000mg
Vault 1 L 160mg

Now, before you laugh at me for the Crystal Light, this is pure straight powder. No liquid. So if I wanted to jack up a bottle of Monster with an extra 50 mg of caffeine, I can do it without significantly affecting the volume I have to carry. All the caffeine of several cups of coffee conveniently stored in a 16.9oz Ice Mountain bottle.

It was freaking sweet. Extremely. Unbearably so. My eyes watered when I drank it. I yelped a little after swallowing. There was so much sucralose, it was like drinking wastewater from Willy Wonka’s factory. Monster with glucose plus close to a gram of aspartame. Sure, it was 210mg of caffeine in 16oz of liquid, but I was floored by flavor. I wasn’t in flavor country, the Flavor Republic invaded with diabetes-inducing weapons and I was on my knees kissing the boot of its monarch.

The key is small sips. Enough to get me up all night at the library. After a couple of nights of this, I could tell that I was physiologically addicted. I woke up in the morning with cold feet (despite the clement weather), stuttering, and with my arms shaking. Not to mention the headaches that would come if I sat still for too long. Zach mocked me as being an addict now. I rebuked him as I clutched my chair leg.

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One Response to “I am in Peoples’ Republic of Flavor”

  1. Chris says:

    graber told me about this concoction. i want to see you while on it

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