The Finite

*Tommy sets his drink cup down on the counter and the handcuffs dangling on his wrist clatter loudly. Tara, Doug and Matt stare.*
Tommy: (dripping with irony) Somebody… just ask me how my day was.

Tommy: Tara, do I freak out too much?
Tara: It’s natural.
Tommy: Well, yeah, for a rabbit.

*Tommy is casually putting dressing on a salad.*
Eric: (without provocation) Dammit, Tommy! We will not stand for that sort of obscenity here!
Tommy: Just because I’m tossing my own salad?

Audrey: How are shakes coming-?
Tommy: I’m givin’ ‘er all she’s got, Capt’n! I dinnae have any more mixer heads!

Sam: Oh, god, why do you have handcuf- never mind. Don’t tell me.

Call outs

“Orders 291 and 292, your shakes have been up for so long that I’ve given them nicknames. Please come claim Herbie and Shelly.”

“Oh, 763, I’m your shake and I’m cold and lonely. Please come get me.”

“568, did you know that your Grilled Cheese sandwich contains as much calcium as a glass of milk? For the sake of your growing bones, please come claim it.”

“The Harrison Grille is now closed for the semester. We hope you’ll join us again when we reopen on the Sunday before classes start in January, but right now, our sleep-deprived employees have to go home to their wives and mothers. Good luck on your remaining finals and have a good break.”

*Someone in a electronic Darth Vader mask is at the pickup area.*
Tommy: No, sir, I’m afraid your sandwich isn’t ready yet-
Darth Vader: (incomprehensible)
Tommy: We have a lot of tickets right now, but they have to be done in the order they came….
Darth Vader: (Incomprehensible, holds out hand)
Tommy: (grabs neck, chokes)

And let’s not forget the computer-system-is-down-so-everyone-dance-in-the-kitchen nights.

I have developed a sort of Gollum-like relationship with my GPA. I both love and hate the thing, but in any case, I spend way too much time thinking about it, to the detriment of my social life. (Déagol-choking metaphorical.)

Such is the case with this momentous week of finals. People are gearing up and cracking down as they always will. The vending machines normally full of Rockstars are empty and the libraries are full. Even now, I’m typing this in a computer lab that smells strongly of a vegetable stir-fry.

From what I’ve seen at work, choosing energy drinks is like choosing a fine wine. I’ve seen caffeine junkies cradling and swirling Pomegranate Rockstars and NOS like wine connoisseurs with Parkinson’s.

If they want to punish themselves, such as if they’ve procrastinated all semester, they’ll choose a NOS Powershot; all the caffeine and a bitter aftertaste as a reminder for them not to do this to themselves again.

Monster M-80, otherwise known as the Peach Schnapps of energy drinks is for the casual crammer or even for social all-nighters for the more laid back students.

Myself, I avoid all that because energy drinks at work aren’t eligible for employee meals so I would have to pay for them. What are free however, are the mixed drinks at the soda fountain. Of course, those same 10 Coca-Cola-leased flavors got old freshmen year. I’ve learned to make mixed drinks to increase variability substantially.

Cream Soda = Dr. Pibb + Barq’s Root beer
Raspberry Punch = Raspberry Iced Tea + Fanta
Hawaiian Punch = Blue + Red Powerade + Fanta
Water + Raspberry Iced Tea = Vitamin Water
Elixir of Life = Blue Powerade+ Red Powerade + Vault + Sorcerer’s Stone

By the way, that last one only works if you keep drinking it. Thank you, Nicolas Flamel.