The Finite

Okay, so I’m a zombie. A little dejected at first, but I got better. Then I remembered what I really joined this game for. (I couldn’t last semester because of exams.) Cuz you know what? You gotta live a little before you die. (Which is ironic because zombies live a little after they die.)

Eventually I saw the upside of undeath. No more living in fear, with my head on a swivel and gun in hand, no more co-TAs stealing my gun and shooting darts students in the neck during morning labs and no more guilt over having to trip “Crutches Zombie”. (I didn’t enjoy it, I swear, but zombie paranoia is a fear you have not known.)

I only went to one night-time mission (of four). Each of the three human factions has objectives communicated to them and only them. The zombies have to prevent the humans from accomplishing their mission while at the same time protecting their “leader”, some sort of messiah who died, but came back to life to lead us to a glorious future.

We were a little late to join the main horde but Chris and I ended up jogging across campus in a group of 5 similarly late strangers trying to find the main horde as twilight engulfed the campus. We came upon humans holed up in a safe zone at the fountain and a small minihorde nearby between some buildings. If you thought I was overprepared, then you clearly haven’t seen the ROTC guys who repurpose their equipment. In addition, there are the expected brand-name Nerf bandoleers and makeshift ammo packs duct taped to wrists and calves.

I was also surprised to see a lot of “blowguns”. It’s slightly saddening to realize that a team of engineers with access to high quality plastic and molding factories can’t make a foam dart fly further than $0.68 of 1/2-inch PVC pipe that you blow into.

Ensued a tense standoff, during which the humans slowly moved between three different building safe zones, firing at us the whole way with their blowguns taped to their nerf guns Ripley-style. We discussed strategy just out of dart range, numerous plans I had to shoot down, because the Buggers tried it on Ender and failed. A messenger had come running down from up-campus. There was a whole bigger faction pinned down between Engineering Administration and Potter. We took off, a pack of 50 zombies free-running over and around anything in our path.

Eventually, we linked up with another large horde, headed by the “Rave Zombie”. This esteemed moderator was marked by the 40-lbs 3-ft sound system duct taped to his back. Fed from an iPod on his arm, his techno beats attracted all zombies in the nearby area. They were supposed to kill the humans gathered on the steps of Hovde, but we ended up having a Dance-off stalemate that night when the blowguns held off the zombies faster than they could respawn.

The extraction mission was schedule for 0300 on Saturday. Remaining humans + helicopters= zombies lose. Mission objective: Nom the humans before then.

Our strategy was simple. Find bands of humans (which we now outnumbered but were now without safe zones). And bring the entire weight of the horde crashing down upon them. Quite literally. We had leaders. Some were infected human NPCs who had now switched sides and altered the unfolding multi-branch narrative that they Moderators had devised. Naturally, with a mob of students on a college campus, a protest broke out.

Leader: What do we want?!
Horde: BRAAAAINS!
Leader: When do we want it?!
Horde: BRAAAAINS!!

Intel came from varied sources. Scouting patrols, non-players, double agents. At least three times, the main horde cornered a band of humans and surrounded them for their “Last Stand”. Invariably, someone would shout, “THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT! THIS IS WHERE THEY DIE!”

A giant contingent of humans was cornered with their backs against the wall at Elliot. We goaded them around the building to the other side before rushing them (“THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT! THIS IS WHERE THEY DIE!” ), their guns useless as they were pushed back towards the brick. Chalk up another one for the zombie horde.

Another group fell by the same tactics at Armstrong. The last group of humans left alive on campus was found outside of the Mech E building. Stoicly, grimly, they watched us assemble on the Mall, a wall of zombies 30 deep. (“THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT! THIS IS WHERE THEY DIE!” (That guy was getting annoying by now.))

And wouldn’t ya know it, they perished like the rest. Afterwards, we did what any victorious zombie horde would do. We danced the afternoon away.