You probably already have system of studying by now. But I thought I’d share mine. I’m in a medical major so I don’t need to do math. I’m just supposed to remember long tracts of information and regurgitate them on command. It gets a little dull, I’ll be honest. It’s not as dramatic as materials science or fluid dynamics, but, oh, I’m not wild like that. Although I will admit that my notes are filled with profanity.
It helps, you see. The trick is to relate those long boring tracts of information to your own life. Especially for microbiology, which is just otherwise unrelatable.
Examples:
| Halophiles – This one is easy. Everyone knows at least one person who loves Bungie products and salty snacks. And somebody tell me the Flood are not an excellent macroscopic example of a omni-parasitic xenovirus, sentience aside. |
| 1. Many successful pathogens have surface molecules that allow them to evade detection by the immune system, but other have surface molecules that enhance their recognition by phagocytes. How can this second strategy be successful? Once they get inside the phagocyte what happens? The answer I wrote on the exam: It’s like the third act of The Dark Knight. The Joker wanted to be caught by the Gotham police department because he knew all along that the fat guy that he put all those explosives in could be detonated in order to incapacitate all the officers in the office of the Major Crimes Unit and let him escape. In a similar way, certain pathogens let themselves be captured in order to bypass some cell defenses and hobble the body’s immune system by crippling macrophages from within them. |
And use these fun mnemonic devices I’ve created. This one is for memorizing the pkas of ionizable amino acids.
| Ted | terminal α-carboxyl group |
| After | Aspartic acid |
| Getting | Glutamic acid |
| High | histidine |
| Took | terminal α-amino group |
| Cocaine | cysteine |
| To | tyrosine |
| Latin | Lysine |
| America | Arginine |
If all else fails, try answering questions in Haiku for attempted bonus points. Or Limericks if you’re feeling vulgar and you know the grader won’t be offended.
And let’s not forget caffeine for short-term cramming. Invaluable for several days at a time when you are irritated by pesky neurobiological functions like sleep, food or when you consider your cyclic adenosine monophosphate phosphodiesterase and amylo(1→4)to(1→6)transglycosylase levels just too high. Of course, there are the troubling behavioral and economic effects of caffeine abuse. When you overdose, you’ll know. I did earlier this week and couldn’t drink anymore because my hand tapping the desk was causing my stuff to slide off. Just don’t build up a tolerance too early, because you may need a turbo boost later in the week.
My caffeine system is pharmacologically the same as last year. However, what with it being winter and all, I’ve switched to all coffee, all the time. No more Rockstars. Not only does coffee have a higher caffeine density, it’s actually cheaper than energy drinks, especially considering the “$0.79 for 16oz after buying a $5 official Purdue University Residences coffee travel mug” deal we have here.
I quickly pour the stuff into a vitamin water bottle for actual transit, because I would rather not put my lips on something that I dirty up by hauling with me wherever I go.
But, wait, you say. Aren’t Asians supposed to love iced coffee? I never said I liked hot coffee. I hate all coffee. I just drink it for the few bio-effects of one tiny little alkaloid and try to ignore the grotesque taste and annoying adverse affects.
And that, children, is why we take all drugs.