You get your Cold War Monopoly, Neal. You know what I want to do?
I want to get one of those old Guess Who? games, scan our senior yearbook and paste over all the Guess Who? character tiles with Asians from the yearbook. Then rename it Guess Hu?
“Does your Asian have glasses?”
“No.”
*click, click, click, click, click*
“Is your Asian a white guy?”
“No.”
*click, click*
“Is your Asian Korean?”
“Uhhh… maybe?”
I ask a backpack to do several things.
It also needs a cargo capacity on the high side of large. They’re usually the only XXL article I wear (and probably ever will wear.) So Sports Authority sold me an Adidas Ren Pack for $45 that seems to be up to the job.
The handle is balanced and placed over the bag’s likely center of gravity, unlike Columbia which has it at the top rear between the shoulder straps. The zipper is set far back allowing easy access to the laptop sleeve (were I to ever use it). The zippers have oversized teeth, which reduces jamming.
It’s also got a cell phone pocket though it’s a little snug for non-Razrs. It also has several “media pockets” one of which is perfectly sized to hold a standard turkey sandwich. Those aren’t technically “media”; they don’t communicate any information. Well, I suppose it communicates messages like, “This sandwich is good.” or “There’s too much mayonnaise.” or “&•¦Û(¢iñDˆs”Ë ûÃųÔ0#” depending on if I put in good sandwiches or bad sandwiches or my camera.
There are two main compartments, which I am apprehensive about since, in the past, overloading with books thicker than the bottom of a compartment (as illustrated in the very rudimentary diagram) has resulted in seam failure along the compartment wall and the creation of a very large primary compartment, which may or may not be a good thing.
I supposed the intention of this compartmentalization is so that “limp” contents like notebooks or folders are not drawn under the books and binders and crushed. That’s great, but I use zipper binders and trapper keepers to store my documents and notebooks.
There’s a slimmer compartment in the front for small notebook-sized things as well as the regulation utensils pocket with sleeves for pens, pencils and my glasses. The smallest pocket in front has no bottom. The walls just come together on all sides, making it perfect for my assignment notebook. Easy access and no risk of ruffled pages from other cargo. But alas there’s never a good spot for my 89. I really need a holster for it.