You get your Cold War Monopoly, Neal. You know what I want to do?
I want to get one of those old Guess Who? games, scan our senior yearbook and paste over all the Guess Who? character tiles with Asians from the yearbook. Then rename it Guess Hu?
“Does your Asian have glasses?”
“No.”
*click, click, click, click, click*
“Is your Asian a white guy?”
“No.”
*click, click*
“Is your Asian Korean?”
“Uhhh… maybe?”
Since I’ve been at the library a lot, I’ve noticed something. If you’ve ever been at the local library, you’ve noticed that wherever there is a catalog computer, there is a container of paper scraps and disturbingly sharp half-pencils right by the keyboard. For 9.63 years, I never paid any attention to them, but I finally wondered: Why didn’t any of the pencils get any shorter?
Then I realized the shocking reality: the imperfect pencils are taken away, leaving only the uniform 3-inch dwarves. I don’t know where they go. They could be discarded or ground up and remade into new half-pencils. I will try to investigate, but my time here is not long. And the librarians grow leery.