The Finite

The numbers are in for our first month of living. Per person:

Aside from the $170 deposit for the electricity and the $290 apartment deposit and the unnamed items we bought at the hardware store, we came in under budget. I am quite proud, although wary of when the electric bill jumps once we turn on the heating. (Electric heating and electric water heater.)

It wasn’t easy though. There’s been issues with the dishwasher not cleaning things well enough so we can’t use it. Now there’s the issue of the dishwasher not cleaning things well enough. That is, if he ever gets around to doing the dishes.

Less of a problem is food. The projected $200/month provides for $6.67 a day for food not including employee meals and food from begging. And I forgot the rice, the staple of our diet and food budget. (I went Anakin Skywalker when I realized and started punching walls. (Not our walls of course, we have a security deposit. I waited until I was on campus.)) So I’m going the Caucasian route and eating a lot of sliced bread with salt and pepper. That’s it, right? That’s the stereotype. I’m not forgetting anything?

Really, the food problem is none of the three of us can cook. I mean, cook cook. We can all follow directions, but none of us can pick up a wooden spoon and pull a Ratatouille and whip up something good and edible. Most of our food budget was blown on $1 canned ravioli or soup. Aside from much milk and cereal of course. And we tend to make a lot of pizza bagels. We’ve made pasta twice before realizing how long it took and our stockpile of noodles and sauce is just sitting around.

Something I have been working on though:

Take some bread, cover with shredded Parmesan, cheddar or whatever’s lying around, add two slices of chicken, add another piece of bread in a “sandwich” configuration. Toast in toaster oven, George Foreman grill, or iron. Dip liberally in tomato pasta sauce when eating.

Do not eat for breakfast. Interaction with alcohol unknown.

Between this and Peanut butter and banana sandwiches, smoothies, and ice cream, I haven’t done much cooking this semester. Perhaps if we bought some vegetables, we would have more options. Right now, our crisper contains a single onion. (It’s a big one though.)

I do. And by children I mean, of course, my dear classes. They are annoying expensive little brats that I guess I brought on myself for not knowing better. I have six separate lectures plus a lab and a class to TA. Compare to last year, when I had only 5 lectures and one class to TA. It used to be that none of the lectures would assign homework and I could study whenever I want. Now it’s homework and prelabs every week. I already missed some of the online assessments and I’m tanking the written homeworks.

I’ve finally been revealed for what I really am. A B+ student with a precocious schedule, only not so precocious anymore. I’m outclassed on drug and pharmacy procedure knowledge. In no part due to our standard assortment of professor archetypes: the smart Grandpa, the coffee sales representative, the boring monotone doctorate and the comedian.

The comedian teaches us essentially a sociology course from the perspective of pharmacy. Think the mannerisms of Manthey (our high school freshman English teacher), the voice of McD (our junior year English teacher) and the body of Zach Galifinakis from The Hangover all at 7:30 in the morning two days a week. Outwardly self-deprecating and cynical, he brings a breath of casual air to the requisite “professional” triteness of Pharmacy classes. (Yeah, I still hate wearing ties. They just feel so fake. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s because I’m wearing a velcroed pre-tied pseudo-tie.)

Like so many fondly remembered high school teachers, he tells us stories. And like Manthey, he will be reluctant to admit he is a bleeding-heart, multicultural progressive. He tells us constantly about the impact of culture on views of medical care. There’s apparently an island of predominantly albino natives who actually have enough albinos to shun anyone with melanin from their nocturnal society. (“A society dominated by white people? Intriguing.”)

We laugh at his pain a lot. He grew up poor and was burned by his childhood dwelling’s heating element and his wedding ring is at the bottom of a lake. (But if he gets lucky, two hobbits will find it.)

He’s also mastered comedic timing. Which is good and bad. On the one hand, his 7:30 lectures are never boring and his is my favorite class. On the other, he leaves no room nor setup in his monolog for smart-ass quips.

Maybe I can release a RiffTrax of this lecture…